6. Child Appreciation Day

Child Appreciation Day


The use of these events varies depending on the agency you use, child’s age, needs and if they are being placed as a sibling group. These are such important events and are an amazing opportunity to get more information about the child/children than you would from anywhere else. I have worked with families who have chosen not to have these and they always regret it after. They are essentially information sharing days, where as many professionals that have been involved with the child as possible will be invited. The idea is that you get the full history and as much information as possible to make an informed decision on whether or not to proceed. This will really bring the child to life and give you a full picture of their personality and needs.



The meetings are normally arranged by the Family Finding Social Worker and chaired by a manager or senior worker from the adoption service. They are in depth, emotional and tiring meetings but they are so worth it. Practice will vary, but they tend to cover pre/post birth, early life, birth family, any significant events, what led to the child coming into care, any impact of trauma or abuse, placement moves, progress in care, placement moves and any additional needs.


Another important part of these meetings, particularly when the child(ren) are initially placed into your care, is how they present when they were originally placed with foster carers. Children often regress in the early stages of a placement, therefore this will give you an idea of what behavior you can expect, you can then ask for support around strategies to parent them through it therapeutically. Sometimes some workers such as foster carers understandably want to paint the children in the best light they can. But you need to hear, in detail, what the more challenging side of caring for them might look like so you are prepared for it. Most adopters won't need to worry about this, but I have seen first hand the devastating impact that being unprepared to care for a traumatised child can have on a family.

My little boy was very traumatised when initially placed. We had a 'honeymoon' period, where sometimes you wont see natural behaviours until they feel settled, safe and secure in a placement. We then went through about 6 months of very challenging behaviour including disregulation (looks a bit like really extreme tantrums over everything), defiance and rejection. A lot of ill informed people would scoff if you told them this, but I am not talking about age-appropriate behaviours and nervous helicopter parents. I am talking about the more extreme, where the child won't allow you to do anything, they hurt themselves (such as when throwing self onto the floor or scratch/bite themselves out of sheer frustration) and often become more distressed if you try to comfort them. Knowing what I know now, a lot of what we experienced could have been predicted, we could have been better prepared for it and then supported through it. I will talk more about this later, but for now lets get back to the meeting.

Professionals should be asked to read files and make notes so they can talk about their involvement with the child and their family. Lots of individuals will be invited, which is clearly a challenge with multiple busy diaries. But those involved often include previous and current social workers, previous and current foster carers, the Independent Reviewing Officer (they review children’s Care Plans whilst they are in care and will continue to do so when they are with you), nursery staff, school teachers, contact supervisors, health professionals and any other professionals who have worked with the family and/or child.

This is your chance to ask as many questions as you can, you won't get this chance to gather this information again so make the most of it. People will be able to share their stories and hopefully any photos, items or pictures the child has made.

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